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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27048505">An Impossible Choice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16'>angelsfalling16</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tumblr Ficlets [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, M/M, SnowBaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:01:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27048505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: 43.Taking care of the other when sick or injured</p><p>Baz's family wants him to hurt Simon, but he refuses, even when Simon offers his magic to him in order to make him feel better.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tumblr Ficlets [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>94</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>An Impossible Choice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <i>Originally posted to Tumblr on June 12, 2020<i></i></i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i><br/>    <i>This could be seen as almost a prequel to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27048232">An Illusion and A Familial Betrayal</a>, but if Baz had made a different choice than the one he did that led to that fic.</i><br/>  </i></p><p> </p><p>  <i><br/>    <i>This also fits the criteria to be one of my 20 first kisses fics, so I've added it to that series as well.</i><br/>  </i></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Simon</strong>
</p><p>Baz stumbles into our room really late tonight, closing the door loudly behind him. Luckily, I wasn’t asleep. I couldn’t stop wondering about where he was today. I know his father came to speak to him, but he just disappeared after that, and I haven’t seen him since.</p><p>I listen to him move around the room, and it sounds like he keeps running into things. I’m sure of that when he runs into my bed, nearly falling into me.</p><p>“Baz?” I whisper, but he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t move either, so I sit up.</p><p>With the light streaming in through the window, I can see that he is completely sozzled.</p><p>His blazer is missing, his tie is undone, the top two buttons of his shirt are undone, and he’s swaying on his feet. He doesn’t look so good.</p><p>I reach to turn on the lamp, but I seem to put my magic into it because as soon as I make contact with the lamp, the bulb burns brightly, lighting up the room with a blinding light before dying down a bit, still brighter than usual.</p><p>“Shit, Snow,” Baz hisses, throwing an arm up over his face and nearly losing his balance.</p><p>“Sorry,” I murmur apologetically.</p><p>He looks even worse in the light. The last time he looked this bad off was in fifth year when he finally let me catch up to him in the Catacombs. I can’t imagine what his father might have said to him today to make him act this way.</p><p>“Are you okay?” I ask.</p><p>He laughs, and his tone is emotionless. “No. I’m not okay, Snow. Who would be?”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>He ignores me.</p><p>“Do you know what it’s like to want something that you can’t have? To have your family expect one thing of you and want to do the opposite? But you’re afraid. You don’t want to lose them, but you don’t want to lose the other person either.”</p><p>I have no idea what he’s talking about, but Baz has never been this open with me before. There is definitely something wrong with him.</p><p>“It’s an impossible choice,” he continues. “Either way, people get hurt, and I’m stuck in the middle of it.”</p><p>“What’s an impossible choice?” I ask carefully, not actually thinking he’ll tell me.</p><p>But he does.</p><p>“They want me to take your magic, but I…I can’t. I can’t do it. I won’t.”</p><p>He starts to giggle about something, and I don’t see what’s funny.</p><p>His family wants him to take my magic, but he doesn’t want to. Why not?</p><p>“I’m a vampire,” he says through his giggles. “I could just as easily take your blood, your life, but no, they want me to take your magic. They still want you to be alive. Don’t want to turn you into a martyr, I suppose.”</p><p>His giggles turn into a sob which in turn turns into silence, and we’re just left staring at each other, neither one of us sure what to say.</p><p>I was right. He’s a vampire, and he has finally admitted it. People will have to believe me now, right?</p><p>I should feel ecstatic, but I don’t. It all feels so wrong. Things were not supposed to happen this way. Baz is not supposed to sound like this, so hopeless.</p><p>He is supposed to fight me and defeat me, and he’s supposed to want to win. So, why doesn’t he? Why is this choice so hard for him to make?</p><p>“You can have it,” I tell him. I don’t know where the words came from, but I don’t take them back.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“My magic. Take it.”</p><p>He shakes his head.  “I can’t.”</p><p>“You’ll probably be saving people by taking it. I’ve never been able to help many people with it. Always done more harm than good.”</p><p>“I<em> can’t</em>,” he repeats.</p><p>“You can. I’m making the choice for you.”</p><p>“Why are you doing this?” He asks, looking at me with wide, wild eyes.</p><p>I don’t know why. I just don’t like seeing him this way. I want to help him. I shouldn’t want to help him; I should hate him. But I don’t.</p><p>“We always knew you would beat me,” I say. “This way, we don’t have to fight.”</p><p>“You don’t understand. I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you.”</p><p>He sits on my bed, or rather collapses onto it, apparently unable to stand any longer. Carefully, I move over to sit next to him.</p><p>“Baz…” I start, and he shakes his head. “Baz,” I try again, but he ignores.</p><p>I lift my hand to his face, gingerly pulling it so that he’s forced to look at me.</p><p>“Baz,” I say once more.</p><p>I don’t know what else to say. The only thing on my mind is him and trying to make him feel better.</p><p>“You don’t have to do this,” I say finally. There has to be another way.</p><p>“Yes, I do.”</p><p>“You could tell them no. You could refuse.”</p><p>“I can’t. My father would disown me.”</p><p>“Then take it. Take my magic. I’ll even give it to you.”</p><p>I grasp his hand in mine and start to push, but he yanks his hand away as if he’s been burned.</p><p>“No! I can’t do that either.”</p><p>“Then, what are you going to do?” I ask softly.</p><p>“I don’t <em>know</em>.” His voice breaks on the last word.</p><p>He hangs his head, and his hair hangs loosely around his face, blocking it from view.</p><p>Hesitantly, I reach out to push some of it back so that I can look at him.</p><p>“We can figure this out. I’ll help you.”</p><p>“Why would you do that?”</p><p>I sigh. “I don’t know. Because I care?”</p><p>“No, you don’t.”</p><p>Yesterday, I would have agreed him. Even five minutes ago, I would be telling everyone who would listen that Baz isn’t to be trusted, but as soon as the words fall from my mouth, I feel how true they are.</p><p>I care about Baz Pitch, and I don’t want to see him hurting this way.</p><p>“I do actually. I don’t know why, but I care about you. And I want to help you.”</p><p>“You’re messed up.” He tries to laugh, but it’s half-hearted and falls flat. “You are such a mess, Simon Snow. Caring about your enemy.”</p><p>“I know. But you aren’t my enemy. You’re just my roommate. Just a boy.”</p><p>He looks up at me finally, and my hand is still in his hair.</p><p>“You should go,” he whispers, searching my face for something.</p><p>“Where?”</p><p>“Away from me. Somewhere I won’t be able to hurt you.”</p><p>I shake my head. “I know you won’t hurt me.”</p><p>“You can’t know that.”</p><p>“But I do. I trust you.”</p><p>“You’re a fool.”</p><p>“Maybe. But I’m right.”</p><p>He squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>I reach for his hand again with my free one, the one not still holding his head. He flinches but doesn’t pull away. I don’t try to push my magic into his hand this time. I just hold it.</p><p>“You do. It’s just a hard choice.”</p><p>“My family will hate me.”</p><p>I don’t know what to say to that. I can’t change that. I can’t tell him that it will be alright because we both know that it won’t. The Old Families are stuck in their ways, and they won’t like Baz going against them.</p><p>“Do you want to go back to them or stay here?” I ask after a long, quiet moment.</p><p>He only thinks about it for a moment before he says, “I want to stay here. With you.”</p><p>My heart stutters in my chest, and my breath hitches.</p><p>“Baz…” I whisper, and this time he looks at me, opening his eyes to meet mine.</p><p>I meant to keep going, to tell him that I am here for him, that I won’t abandon him, but as soon as our eyes met, all of the words leave me, and there is just one thought left in my mind:</p><p>
  <em>I love him.</em>
</p><p>I love Baz, and I will do anything to see him happy again.</p><p>Then, I kiss him.</p><p>I softly press my lips to his, giving him the chance to push me away, but he doesn’t. His hands grip the front of my pyjama shirt, pulling me closer to him, and he kisses me more firmly.</p><p>It feels right. Kissing Baz feels better than anything else I’ve ever done in my life.</p><p>Maybe this is what we were meant to be doing all of this time. Not fighting but taking care of each other.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!! I hope you liked it and would love to hear what you think! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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